Another tale of infinitely dreams

Klasično veče... "Babe you turn me" on svira u pozadini, a babe-a - nema! :-) Nestao u akciji...
Ne preostaje ništa drugo osim praznih kvazi-filozofskih tlapnji, svojstvenih za dosadnih 23:30h. Drži me ta vibra još od učenja. Da! Ja sam učila! :-) Cijelih 2,5 sata, za kojih sam mučno obradila 15 stranica.
I tu staje svaka trunkica inspiracije. Nisam ja filozofsko biće. Ironično, s obzirom na odabir studija. Tu se uvijek izvlačim da sam smjer odabrala slučajno. Dobar izgovor zlata vrijedi. Moj je sranje. :-)

Uglavnom, nekoliko redaka sam odlučila posvetiti jednoj osobi, zvijezdi dapače, bez koje naše zvijezdano nebo ne bi bilo isto! Super Silva! Jadnici je učinjena silna nepravda. Sukladno s istom, ona se s pravom naljutila i započela štrajk glađu. Naime, nisu ju "regrutirali" za koncert, uz Željka Jacquesa Houdeka i Ivanu Kindl. Kako su mogli?! Zar u igri "Nastavi niz" nakon Jacquesa i Ivane nije ona logičan slijed?!?
Legenda... :-)

Ispričavam se, ovo me je toliko potreslo da sam ostala bez teksta...
Mislim da nema smisla nastavljati više išta pisati. Zamislimo se svi nad njenom teškom sudbinom na trenutak...
:-)

Još malo pa će proći i godina... :-)
Pa reko', ajde da to ne dozvolim. Ajde da zapišem bilo što.
Bilo što.
:-)
Pozdrav svima!

Gledam film i čekam kad ću se rasplakati... Svaki put, na svaki takav film. Rekla sam sama sebi da ih više neću ni gledati. Nerealne situacije koje me samo ubiju u pojam. Događaji koji se u stvarnom životu neće nikad dogoditi, koliko god se mi nadali. Trpaju na nas te divne priče, a svima je u podsvjesti jasno da se tako nešto neće nikad ostvariti. Iako si to ne želimo priznati.

Ipak, danas sam odlučila dati filmu još jednom šansu. Ajde, njega ne prikazuju tako često. A i nikad nemam ništa protiv C. Slatera. Bila sam malo u dvojbi, ali Chris me "nagovorio". I tako ja danas radim planove kako moram doći doma na vrijeme, jer ipak... Mora se! A dan prolazi i zapliče se, i ja ne želim da trenutci završe. Glupo doista. Kad si očajan, onda ti i sitnice mnogo znače. Presonifikacija Princa na bijelom konju. On mi se inače nekad jako sviđao. Još uvijek se podsjetim toga svaki put kad ga vidim. Prekrasne oči... Princ je možda samo zato jer je ostao neostvareni san. A doista je dojahao danas na bjelom konju! Znala sam da ima konja, samo nisam očekivala da bih ga uopće mogla vidjeti, a kamoli na konju. Slatki smješak, razigran pogled... O Bože... smješna sam sama sebi dok ovo pišem, ali stalno mi se to vrti po glavi. Na The Guya nisam ni pomislila cijeli dan (možda ima nade za mene). Uglavnom, popela sam se na konja nakon godinu dana. Pomogao mi ga je voditi ispočetka. Svaki put kad bi podigao glavu pogledao prema meni, nasmijala bih se. Što da radim kad oduvijek tako djeluje na mene.

I zašto, na kraju, mislim da ruže bez trnja u stvarnosti ne postoje? Jer čak i uz to što nisam ništa ni pokušala danas s njim, trn stvarnosti me morao bocnuti - on ima curu. Mislim, uz trenutnu situaciju i sva sranja u njoj kroz koja prolazim, ne bih ionako ništa pokušala. Samo mi je trebalo to da se netko nasmije, valjda tako kako se on smije. Trebalo mi je malo, mrvica pažnje koju sam u to malo vremena uspjela dobiti od njega. I ta mrvica koju sam uspjela dobiti, nije mogla savršeno proći.

I da, naravno da sam se rasplakala na kraju filma...

Mogla bih samo nabaciti stihove nove pjesme koju slušam u zadnje vrijeme. No, nema mi to puno smisla. Kao ni bilo što u zadnje vrijeme. Sve je čudno, i u ničemu se više ne snalazim. Situacije koje su se i prije događale me sad još i više izbacuju iz takta, a one koje me nisu uopće ni dirale me sad deprimiraju, i to traje čak po nekoliko dana. A sve same gluposti!
Mislim, nisu to meni gluposti, ali za objektivnog promatrača (što i ja uspijem postati, s vremena na vrijeme) su to sve sranja. Tinejđerska sranja, a nisam ni tinejđerica. Čak su i oni zreliji i mirniji u glavi od mene u ovoj fazi. Ne znam, možda je to neka faza pred živćani slom, ili pred uputnicu za psihijatriju, kako piše kolegica! :-) (POZZ)
Ne bi me začudilo. Najgorije je to kaj više nisam ni u stanju da to skrivam. Prije kad me nešto mučilo nije se moglo tako lako skužiti na meni. Sad mi se događa situacija da mi mama i tata dođu u posjetu do Zg-a, i vidim ih nakon 2 tjedna (što i nije puno ali kako sam se ovaj semestar skoro potpuno preselila ovdje, ne viđam ih baš), i umjesto da sam sretna ja ne mogu voditi ni normalan razgovor! A da i ne pričam kako me stari nakon 3 minute kak me vidio odmah pitao kaj sam tužna. Užas! Onda se samo izbediram još jače.
I na kraju svega mi uopće nije jasno zašto se to događa. Mogu reći djelomično zbog koga, ali zašto u takvom intenzitetu i tako često.... nije mi jasno!
Pozdravljam vas, na kraju, s pjesmicom!

The Dresden Dolls - Girl anachronism

you can tell
from the scars on my arms
and the cracks in my hips
and the dents in my car
and the blisters on my lips
that i'm not the carefullest of girls

you can tell
from the glass on the floor
and the strings that are breaking
and i keep on breaking more
and it looks like i am shaking
but it's just the temperature
and then again
if it were any colder i could disengage
if i were any older i could act my age
but i dont think that youd believe me
it's
not
the
way
i'm
meant
to
be
it's just the way the operation made me

and you can tell
from the state of my room
that they let me out too soon
and the pills that i ate
came a couple years too late
and ive got some issues to work through
there i go again
pretending to be you
make-believing
that i have a soul beneath the surface
trying to convince you
it was accidentally on purpose

i am not so serious
this passion is a plagiarism
i might join your century
but only on a rare occasion
i was taken out
before the labor pains set in and now
behold the world's worst accident
i am the girl anachronism

and you can tell
by the red in my eyes
and the bruises on my thighs
and the knots in my hair
and the bathtub full of flies
that i'm not right now at all
there i go again
pretending that i'll fall
don't call the doctors
cause they've seen it all before
they'll say just
let
her
crash
and
burn
she'll learn
the attention just encourages her

and you can tell
from the full-body cast
that you're sorry that you asked
though you did everything you could
(like any decent person would)
but i might be catching so don't touch
you'll start believeing you're immune to gravity and stuff
don't get me wet
because the bandages will all come off

and then you can tell
from the smoke at the stake
that the current state is critical
well it is the little things, for instance:
in the time it takes to break it she can make up ten excuses:
please excuse her for the day, its just the way the medication makes her...

i dont necessarily believe there is a cure for this
so i might join your century but only as a doubtful guest
i was too precarious removed as a caesarian
behold the worlds worst accident
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM

Nick Cave: Babe, you turn me on

Stay by me, stay by me
You are the one, my only true love

The butcher bird makes it's noise
And asks you to agree
With it's brutal nesting habits
And it's pointless savagery
Now, the nightingale sings to you
And raises up the ante
I put one hand on your round ripe heart
And the other down your panties

Everything is falling, dear
Everything is wrong
It's just history repeating itself
And babe, you turn me on

Like a light bulb
Like a song

You race naked through the wilderness
You torment the birds and the bees
You leapt into the abyss, but find
It only goes up to your knees
I move stealthily from tree to tree
I shadow you for hours
I make like I'm a little deer
Grazing on the flowers

Everything is collapsing, dear
All moral sense has gone
It's just history repeating itself
And babe, you turn me on

Like an idea
Like an Atom bomb

We stand awed inside a clearing
We do not make a sound
The crimson snow falls all about
Carpeting the ground

Everything is falling, dear
All rhyme and reason gone
It's just history repeating itself
And, babe, you turn me on

Like an idea
Like an Atom bomb

Ležim ja tako u krevetu, već skoro 24 sata i idem sama sebi na živce. Nemam što raditi, pa sam cijelo vrijeme na internetu. Već me bole i noge i ruke i oči od konstantnog tipkanja i gledanja... A opet. Nemam što raditi! Bože, kako mi je dosadno. Bila bi izvrsna prilika za učenje, da se mogu koncentrirati! Ovako samo trošim ljudima kisik bespotrebno. I samo gledam filmove i slušam glazbu. Čak sam počela slušati i Nicka Cavea, kojeg inače prezirem. Heh!
Pozdrav svima!

Bleeding Love

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rest that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Blagdan se definitivno bliži kraju, a s njim i moj višednevni boravak kod kuće. Nedostaje mi Zagreb. Stvarno nisam mislila da će mi se to ikad dogoditi. Mislim, nije bilo loše biti doma, samo dosadno. Uz nešto pomaganja mami i previše hrane, jedina zanimacija koju sam si našla je traženje citata po netu. Naime, s vremena na vrijeme dok gledam neki film, zapne mi za uho neka dobra rečenica. Tako možete vidjeti i jednu iz „Sin City“-a malo niže, u boxu. Gledala sam u petak neki sladunjavi, iako po meni ne klasično sladunjavi, filmić „Elizabethtown“. Ok, Orlando Bloom ipak izgleda dobro, ali samo ovdje! Kirsten Dunst mi je, s druge strane, klasično odlična u svojoj ulozi. Ono kaj me najviše privuklo tom filmu je bila jedna užasno duga scena gdje oni razgovaraju o svemu, preko mobitela. Djelomični flashback, ali nema veze. Odlučila sam pogledati filmić do kraja, i u jednom trenu iskoči rečenica, meni se upali worth-of-writing-down lampica, ali nema papira!! I tako sam navečer zasjela na internet i nakon te rečenice zapisala još jednu, i još jednu, i još jednu... evo nekoliko njih:
„The Hours“:
• Clarissa Vaughn: I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.
„Practical Magic“:
• Sally Owens: There's a few things I've learned in life: always throw salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for good luck, and fall in love whenever you can.
„Head in the clouds“:
• Gilda Bessé: Beauty, bravery, and brains. What a catch. You also have a nice willy, and I hope to dream about it.

I da ne duljim puno, za kraj evo i onih rečenica koje su me navele na ovu zanimaciju:

„Elizabethtown“:
• Claire Colburn: Most of the sex I've had in my life was not as personal as that kiss.
• Claire Colburn: I'm going to miss your lips. And everything attached to them.






Pozdrav svima!!!

“I hate the way you talk to me. And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots. And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick - it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh - even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you - not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.”

I što ja mogu kad Ga ne mrzim, bez obzira koliko bezosjećajan bio, a kune se u suprotno...